You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize