do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The power of my boobs compel you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize