She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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