is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
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and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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