Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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