I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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