After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize