weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize