i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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