He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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