I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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