yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize