so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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