You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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