walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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