I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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