Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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