I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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