if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize