I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize