dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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