So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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