Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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