I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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