The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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