watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Vodka?
Forever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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