I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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