He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize