I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize