When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize