The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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