You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I came so hard my ears popped.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize