The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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