Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize