I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
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They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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