I bet he comes in French.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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