My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize