smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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