I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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