i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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