just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
