Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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