My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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