Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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