would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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