cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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