I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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