Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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