My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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