you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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